One of the unfortunate characteristics of my chosen faith (and let's be fair, many others as well) seems to be a near compulsory tendency on the part of some to judge others... particularly those of our own faith... harshly and relentlessly. Particularly (and specifically) those who may be unfortunate enough to suffer from debilitating disabilities. Which is somewhat ironic coming from a faith that places such a central emphasis on unconditional Christlike love, acceptance, and compassion.
I'm still trying to decide if this knee-jerk hyper-criticality is a result of mind-numbing ignorance, willful stupidity, or just jaw-dropping mean-spiritedness. To be honest, the jury is still out on that one. I suppose for some it may be ignorance, for others it may be more intentional.
From time to time, those with serious physical disabilities have attended worship services at my church, and I've always been gratified by how tenderly, patiently, and compassionately these individuals are treated and accommodated. They aren't blamed for their disability. No one seems to look down on them for their difficulties, and certainly no one seems to imply that they deserved their situation, that they "brought it on themselves," nor do they snidely insinuate that they need to "be accountable" for whatever disruption their condition causes to the rest of the congregation. In short, those with obvious disabilities get a "free pass."
Given this, I've often wondered how my fellow believers (particularly the leaders of our congregation) would behave if someone attended a worship service who had Tourettes Syndrome, an uncontrollable condition, who periodically blurted out some rather embarrassing profanities.
How would those who claim to follow The Master react? How much compassion would be shown? How much patience? How much understanding? Would they be summarily removed from the congregation for being too much of a "hinderance to the Spirit"? Would they be relegated to the nether-regions of another room to listen to the meeting, so that others didn't have to be subjected to their outbursts? I have to wonder if, in most congregations, this might be the case.
What about mental and behavioral disabilities?
Those who suffer from mental illness usually look precisely like everyone else. There is no readily-identifiable physical marker or "Hello, My Name Is" sticker that informs others that an individual suffers from autism, anxiety disorders, psychosis, personality disorders, OCD, behavioral disorders, depression, bi-polar syndrome, severe phobias or any of the other "invisible" conditions that haunt every waking hour of those who struggle with them.
And some unfortunate few are plagued with multiple conditions... conditions so severe that simply functioning in a normal daily routine is a challenge... as is the simple act of getting out of bed in the morning. Their goals and dreams are not grandiose... sometimes it's as simple as making it through another day emotionally and mentally intact.
To others who see and interact with them (all of once a week for a few hours), many of them appear... at least outwardly... physically... to be normal. So, social and behavioral expectations drop silently into place whose boundaries rigidly define what a normal, mentally-sound person might be expected to do... a variation on the "Reasonable Man" standard that both legal and medical systems revolve around. And when one (or more) of that person's mental disabilities rear their ugly head however (as they invariably do), all bets are off... the individual is no longer considered "reasonable." They are obviously "making bad choices," and are therefore responsible... completely... for their actions.
All of a sudden, the individual is labeled as "wierd," "off-putting," "offensive," "bizarre," "a whack job," and a host of other lovely epithets that seek to soundly condemn the individual for having the rather bad form of simply existing. A whisper campaign spreads like wildfire through the congregation... "Did you see..???" The blame for the behavior of mentally-ill individuals is placed squarely back in their lap and they are basically judged on the same basis as anyone else, simply because they look like everyone else. They don't look disabled. Ergo, they must be making a conscious decision to be the way they are. "Can't they control themselves?" "They did it to themselves... if they hadn't <fill in the blank here>, then people wouldn't be put off by them."
Their behavior deems them worthy of being shamed. Shunned. Avoided. Gossiped about. Isolated. And basically, thrown away. They become, for all intents and purposes, a Cypher. A zero. A nothing. Damaged. Unworthy. A victim of their own choices.
No one would dare treat someone with physical disabilities this cruelly and heartlessly, nor would they even treat someone with Tourettes this poorly. Yet those suffering from mental illness are subjected to this treatment every. single. day. It makes their life a living Hell. And it makes them want to withdraw (and in fact, run screaming) from those who are supposed to be the very exemplars of unconditional loving kindness. They not only don't get a "pass," they get zero empathy and understanding in many cases. The unspoken message is "you don't belong here." "We don't want you." "We don't like you."
Is it any wonder then that so many who suffer from these debilitating mental illnesses try to take their own lives?
My son is now 18 years old. Two years ago, when he was 16, he tried to commit suicide. In the wake of that experience, he was diagnosed with a number of serious mental illnesses.. bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, borderline narcissistic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, etc.
The leaders of the congregation we used to attend, incredulously, viewed his behavior as being his "own fault." They clearly didn't like him, and seemed to go out of their way to let him know that... and regardless of the lip service they paid to inclusion and compassion, they made it painfully clear that there was no place for him there. He doesn't "fit in." He isn't "wearing the uniform" of conformity. Their exact words were, "What do you want US to do?"
Needless to say, if he were to have had MS, he would be welcomed with open arms, loved, and embraced... accommodated. Because he has mental illnesses, however, he is blamed for his condition, and the effects of it. No allowance is made. No attempt to understand. No compassion. No understanding. Nada. Zip. Zilch. He "made his bed, and now he must lie in it."
Yes, we all have agency, and yes, we're all accountable for our actions... to the extent that we are able to control them. Perhaps those who take such evil delight in such terrible judgmentalism can enlighten us all as to where, exactly the "accountability line" is with those who suffer from mental illness. What SHOULD they be blamed for, or "held accountable for," given the condition which they never chose for themselves? In their infinite wisdom, what is the boundary that they cannot cross before being castigated for a condition that is completely beyond their control? And on what scientific/quantifiable basis was this boundary set?
Predictably (and understandably), my son is pulling away from his faith, and is surrounding himself with others who "get" him. Who don't reject him, and treat him like he's broken. And all because we couldn't bring ourselves to actually walk the walk that we claim to believe.
One has to wonder when we will evolve as a species (and as Christians) to the point where we finally see mental illness for what it truly is, and treat those who suffer from it with the same kind of compassion, unconditional love, tenderness, patience, and kindness that we would someone who has a physically debilitating disease or condition?
